See, They All Stay

Another blank screen and glazed over eyes of mine trying to get everything out for some reason. Well, yeah. I feel like I have been getting two hours of sleep a night on this trip. Today was especially long. After an early delicious breakfast with AR where our waitress looked like Robert Duvall and our host looked like Don Juan I spent time working on this writing thing I have been doing for a few months now, met up with “the guys” for lunch and then went to AR’s work for dinner with everyone where we had I think seventeen people at the table. Was nice to see everyone, although a big group like that at a table makes it hard to talk to everyone, and/or sometimes you feel as if you completely ignore someone for no reason. Overwhelmed with voices and everything and nobody asked why I was moving home. This is good. I dig these people and this place. I had some good times where I just was, but at the end of the day, I hope that place falls into the fucking Pacific Ocean at this point. The charm of that place has pretty much worn off at this point. Even the pictures, I am tired of looking at them. The only thing that moves me right now is what I feel like having myself moved by at any given moment. This is the idea of driving across country by myself again in a little over a week, not smoking, making this person I know laugh, some music and whatever color the sky is that day. These things that moved me before, I’ll keep them going for a while I’m sure, but for the most part, none of it is going to move me much at all.



All of this espresso inside me and my eyes keep falling down. When I drive I won’t be able to have this laptop open anymore. It’s too much now. None of this shit is important, writing letters to people, writing anonymous letters to people I don’t know across the country swapping stories and ideas about “what exactly is going on here”, going over the line (?) but having fun with it. I don’t care anymore and sure writing here and there to get it all out feels good, but so doesn’t pure silence.