How Do They Sleep At Night?

One night a long time ago I died for a few minute or something like that. Whatever they said, passed out in the living room. This dude thought I was going to fuck his girlfriend (I was) and well, yeah I died for a couple of minutes.

That whole situation should have been some sort of indication, or what I see in the afternoon here. Early evening dinners in shitty chain restaurants and a husband stares into the distance while his wife eyes around the restaurant wondering how she lives such an empty existence with this man sitting across from here. The guy just ran out of something at one point, just gave up the fight and cashed in his Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders posters and Lone Ranger trading cards. The seven minute drive back to the house he listens to sports radio and she plays Tetris on her cell phone he gave her four years ago.



One night a long time ago I passed out and fell out of a car. Granted the car was parked, but still. I have a scar from this on my nose still. We were sitting in some car outside of a 7-11, probably as high as a kite. Up to nothing really.

I should have learned then that the more I sit around and don’t do a thing, the less I have to live. I guess I was making myself healthier a tiny bit at a time, but completely failing in every other aspect. Imagine a time when I thought of going out to do things all the time every night. Like maybe 19 years old telling jokes about who knows what. I would have been listening to The Jam or The Specials around that age. The whole world surrounded by rock and roll, no internet and books about dragons or Hitler.



I was rightfully paranoid when I entered the woods. I have been paranoid since I can’t remember when. Everything, nothing supernatural or anything like that. What you see though, on a daily basis. That stuff makes me paranoid and delusional. Any kind of hunch there is something scary and unsavory there, even the slightest little one, I am always right on about it. Even half asleep as they float around my head right before I trail off, I see them.



If this is all actually real and not just some cooked up movie I wrote in five months. If this is all some kind of elaborate plan eventually removed from my brain. If this is how it is from here on out I will truly lose faith in too many things to count on one hand. At least mirrors exist, they make me stronger and they definitely make them weaker. There is no possible way anyone is making eye contact with themselves in 2010.