Jaw Broken at Dawn Again?

They come on in the daytime and night time and try to get to me with ideas I have no desire to hear about. I always want to be selfish. I thought this would be glaringly obvious twelve thousand years ago. The only reason I am going to be like this forever is because I have no ability to believe anything they ever say. All of them, there is something behind the smiles and handshakes and figures and numbers and compliments and plans they want to make. There is always something behind the curtain that is a tall tale or another motive. I need to never hear voices like this again.


They want to be open for everyone to see. Why do they do this? Expose themselves to everyone, let everyone know what is happening, exact details of anything good or bad happening in their life. Have no idea where to buy a good mask or how many layers of clothes to put on to hide themselves a little. To make things even slightly vague. Open and closed mouths with exactly what you never want to hear ever. Unsolicited deep problems you now know every detail about. Great, thanks I needed that. Is there a on off switch on you? Nobody, not a single person in the world cares about your tired ass fucking conversations about where you're going drinking tonight or what you drank last night. Get two clues and call me in the morning. Me? There is nothing wrong here. I don’t think I’ve been happier.

They they they they. At one point I never cared about “they” ever, I should try to go back there.

It’s so quiet and serene in the winter. Nobody goes out. They’re all scared of the cold weather. Sure it gets cold as hell there in New England, but it feels very good. You feel alive. The cold weather brings out something in people. Misery mostly, but I like it. I like walking around and seeing the other miserable people walking around. It’s a bit funny. I always complained that it was too cold. The guy walking by me complains that it’s too cold. I think the best things that have happened to me have always happened in the cold weather. I don’t have many good memories of anything important happening to me in the hot weather. Nothing. Lots of fights and arguments in the past. Lots of me getting fed up with everything and everyone around me. I have more energy in the summer though. It’s hot as piss, but it feels almost good to sweat.



I can't think of a worse thing than just losing touch i can't think of a worse thing than not using touch i can't think of a worse thing than how i am right now it comes every day it happens late at night in the afternoon it flows out of me now i feel like i'm most likely wrong now and not that i've ever had pride issues but i feel like that right now i am in love well i love i haven't been in love in years now have i? i have no clue what the hell that's like i know what love is though love trust and respect love trust and respect the basis of every good friendship i probably fucked this one up i push i push i push i probably pushed the refrigerator over and knocked down everything on top of it the keys the basket of coupons the fruit etc i probably am wrong yeah i'm wrong i go about things different than everyone what's the big deal a big fucking baby i thought people thought babies were cute and lovable i thought that babies were tickled and held up in the air the only time i've been up in the air lately is when i looked at a picture of her the other day that feeling that feelin of being slayed by eyes that feeling of bliss because of how someones lips wrap around their teeth how you can see a second of someone and know immediately if they are real or fake this happens to me in the book store in the town square in the coffee shop it happens once a week your passion for one thing goes in a complete opposite direction when you're here this place is pretty cool actually it feels white and crazy it feels loud white and crazy crazy things speeding across a chalkboard it feels like they put you in here to teach you a lesson don't fuck with the wongs great line from a great movie i wonder if anyone has even seen that movie i'm the type of guy that likes to roam around etc this place is getting old though it seems like i got on the bus to this place on my way to north carolina no wait a couple days before that my mind has been taking so many photographs lately i wish my camera could do this much i remember the time i did this what i said what i was wearing what they were wearing what direction we were standing i take these pictures and i look at them in the white crazy room the white crazy room is where i look at those pictures i develop the film there and then i throw out the bad ones and keep the good ones well not the bad ones the ones that don't matter the guy in the toyota today the woman with the green pocketbook buying a large eXXXpresso in front of me i remember the persons eyes in the rear view mirror at the drive in though there was a pink panther sticker on your car as well as some other ones i couldn't understand you smoked and wore a wedding band as the girl handed you your iced beverage it was hot today i can't say i blame you why the pink panther though what is that all about does anyone care about the pink panther i think i may check those films out again i saw them when i was a boy peter sellers i throw out the ones that don't matter the ones that matter are the ones that stay in the photo album that i look at in the white crazy room so how pissed was i that i had to listen to 10 minutes of bad acoustic guitar at the coffee house waiting around not that pissed you did well kid you get a metal you never end up cracking under pressure you go across the tightrope wire you pitch a no hitter but you never end up cracking under the pressure it's before the pressure that you crack it's when you are inventing the drama that you crack it's when you start telling yourself you're right every time you never pitch a bad game you never fuck up when you go out on that wire you always do good it's no fault of yours that something fucked up up there in the air the air like in the record store or in the drive through behind peter sellers's sister in law you like the air up there great kevin bacon movie btw you like to retire back to that white crazy room you like when you have to shut the door because there's so much silent noise you have to always drown out the sounds of outside the voices of reason shouting at you and whispering to you you hide behind get up kids records and miles davis ballads who does all of the work not you you sit around and wait for the guy with the basket full of answers to ring your bell like the brown ups man you wait until you feel like an asshole and then you give up you always give up you think you're walking across a tightrope when your actually walking across an 8 lane bridge 8 lanes that just lead to the same old place hey weren't you there 10 years ago oh wait that was 3 years ago oh you were here more than once you come here all the time hey do you come here often what's your sign actually you’d hate me if you really got to know me i mean look at all of this crap all these words vague words about vague people who may or may not exist it doesn’t matter but at the end of the day i may just go silent i would never lie to you ever sweetheart i swear to all of Heaven I would never lie to you but i may go silent i apologize in advance.