Orange

Back when I discovered the internet in 1979 or whenever it was I got into this whole personals thing, which in retrospect...umm, “eh”. I met this chick though, and she loved Bud Powell and Ella and Ben Webster (!), Coleman Hawkins, etc. I thought the internet was the best thing ever because of this. I assumed the internet would be like real life where every mix tape for the rest of your life will contain Galaxie 500 or Broadcast. I was excited at the prospect of making a “The Cole Porter Songbook” Mix CD, etc. The woman was a jazz singer who also taught singing.

We met up and umm, hit it off personally I guess. I have to say physically, it wasn’t happening. We ended up hanging out maybe two more times, the last time being an afternoon seeing “Patch Adams”. Ouch. At one point in the midst of us hanging out I lent her a few CD’s.Not really that big of a deal...One of the CD’s though, was from a box set. The mighty Miles Davis - Complete Live at the Plugged Nickel 8-CD Set. I paid top dollar for this box of awesomeness and wasn’t going to have my copy of the Miles Davis - Complete Live at the Plugged Nickel 8-CD Set be this weird deformed stepchild missing a disc.

I think the “relationship” ended weird and I didn’t want to call her and ask for the discs, it seemed too shallow. She was a music person so she probably would have understood. for whatever reason though, I didn’t want to call her up. So I did what any normal person would do. I waited a few months and then called her...

Hey it’s Christian, do you remember be?

Oh yeah...hi

Umm, so...are you still giving vocal lessons?

Yeah I am

I’d like to take vocal lessons from you

Oh...okay sure

So I started taking vocal lessons from this girl who gave them out of her house. I figured I’d go to about four or five and at some point casually ask for the discs. I remember even seeing the discs safe and secure in her apartment around the second lesson or so. I kind of started really getting into these lessons though! There are cassette tapes of me in my possession of me singing My Funny Valentine, Since I Fell For You, etc, accompanied by a piano. I would never let a single person hear these tapes, but it’s nice to know they exist.

I eventually did get the discs, but continued the lessons for almost half a year and stopped. My career as a smooth vocalist will commence soon. The End.

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03/24/10 - Granada Hills, CA
Landed here and don’t really feel like I am “home” whatsoever. I never quite felt that here as much as I wanted to. It is hot and stuffy here and everything is too far away from everything else. I couldn’t take another six days here, so it’s good that I only have five left. Kind of running out of feelings here too. Wait does even make sense? I feel like this was a long vacation or something. Like I wasn’t really meant to be here anyway. I see through them all and their fake eyes and sunny dispositions. I like the New England I saw when I was just there. Small, easy to get around, and filled with complete fucking assholes.

Driving back here I go by places that remind me of last September, last November and this past February. Some of the best times I had here for the most part. My head is in sixty-five thousand different parts of the state and country at this point to keep looking backwards. I have some sort of fire burning now and if I even try to put it out I’ll be fucked for good. It doesn’t mean I have any idea what I’m doing at any given point. it doesn’t mean I don’t think about secret inside jokes and nicknames and pictures I need to take and songs I could have sang all day long.

...............

I light shit on fire now. I can’t dwell on anything shitty when it happens. I made a list of all the things I want to do and all the things I need to do. I’ll mix them up and go through them as I need to. The first order of business is to stop writing about it right this second as it sounds like a fucking self help book.