Cocaine and Suntan Lotion

Trying to think if anyone thinks anything put in a status message on Facebook should ever be anything but a “joke” or some sort of “bit” you’re doing….or some sort of link to something. Sometimes I feel bad if I put something there and somebody buys it, thinking it’s serious. Maybe they don’t know me well enough, or whatever but suffice to say if I put up “I just did a whole bunch of heroin and now I am going to watch a bunch of Larry-centric episodes of Three’s Company” at least one person might show some sort of concern.

It comes on late at night when I can’t think of anything else to do. I am not doing anything for hours at a time. I put headphones on and have to play music as loud as possible, so no noise can creep in. Truly alone with no outside distractions like people yelling or the wind or cars driving by. I have to listen to the fucking noise they make all day, every day. I get to this place where I can’t take it anymore, the noise they make, throwing things at you nobody ever wanted to hear. (this man next to me, looking over, he is crazy and keeps looking over ready to talk to me. Most of the time I want to talk to every crazy person I see but this guy is drooling all over himself and frankly I am not in the mood for it tonight. Please don’t talk to me. please. please. please. please. please. I have put on my “please don’t talk to me face”I made this face a while back at some guy who was walking up to people and asking them for something in Santa Monica a while back. I was with Gena and really did not want this guy to be in my life at all for fifteen seconds or whatever, especially while I was spending time with her. He came up behind us and I turned around gave him this look and right before he opened his mouth he said “oh forget it, you look mean” or something like that. Heh. I’m not mean, but really sometimes I don’t feel like it) These ones I know though, somedays I don’t want it, I want to be away and left to think about nothing but jokes I can tell later or songs I will never play on the guitar.

I suspect I am surrounded by Jesus people out here, which is fine with me. I don’t have any right to tell people what to think or anything like that. I just keep noticing them more and more lately. I see a guy regularly at Starbucks near me and we have a brief small talk chat every time I see him. The other day I was wearing my Eyehategod shirt and he seemed to take exception to it, telling me basically that “some shit is gonna go down” with God and the earth. Anyway, I ignore this kind of thing for the most part. I thought people out here were either Jewish or only believed in the power of cocaine and suntan lotion. I guess it’s a pretty big state, duh. Anyway, I just never want to talk about religion or politics, not because of any kind of “it’s a personal thing” deal but because I find it all extremely boring, and I guess yeah it is too personal to discuss really. I have to say I enjoy hearing about people finding different degrees of happiness or contentment through religion or some sort of book they read or whatever. You can convince yourself to do certain things and not to do certain things, sometimes you need to be pushed there a little bit, or go where you don't need to go so you can convince yourself even more to go where you need to go.

My time is ticking down slowly here. I told some people what is going on, and I guess the rest will just find out soon enough. I am excited though. That first sentence sounds like something you would write had you just found out you were dying. Nothing like that though. ‘I AM EXCITED TO FINALLY GET TO HEAVEN”. Really though, I feel like every day has forty-six hours in it. I have been trying to sleep more as I think less when I sleep. I still end up getting up ultra early though. With all that is happening around me I can’t wait until I am there with nobody but my eyes and ears and head for a week. Looking at all too familiar places and hearing all too familiar songs. I get sick to my stomach when I think about

-(fuck this)I’m out