Legacy of Duality

Scenarios that creep me out Pts 1 & 2:

Little tiny hammers breaking teeth. Not only my teeth, watching teeth get cracked with these little hammers.

Holes, like weird looking ones. I can’t explain this.



So being in this area of Massachusetts. I love it, and I spent a good amount of time here as a kid and as a teenager, in my 20’s and now right at 40 years old...or “40 years young”. Imagine if I was one of those people “OH I AM FORTY YEARS YOUNG...LOLZ” As a child my mom would drop me off at my grandmother’s house for a weekend and I would spend time swimming in the pool, walking downtown to the store to buy comic books and music magazines and whatever else. As a teenager I would bring subsequent friends and girlfriends for swims at the house. The house now, faded paint, messy lawn and pool that no longer works. The room I spend time in, someone died there a month ago, and the park I take walks in down the road is where my grandfather hanged himself when I was a teenager. I was absent for the most part during those events. In California being kind of useless during this most recent one. I remember being stoned and 16 years old or so when my mom called me at my friends house to tell me about my grandfather. I feel like you are pretty much helpless with death and dying people. I never know what to say and am pretty much the worst person to talk to about the subject.

There was always some sort of melancholy feel about this area in general though, even without these events. I spent time driving the winding roads through all of these quaint little towns that seemed like they probably held more dark secrets than they led on. I think because drives would often take place after something shitty I relate it to that. Lately though, the last few years...and now after living in the mostly “can’t take a nice drive within five minutes” feel of Los Angeles I appreciate it more and am trying to give it a more positive identity.



My brothers and sisters...So I have been spending time at this place where white people congregate and drink coffee and sit on laptops basically looking at Facebook for three or four hours (not me, I sit there and write about how so and so wronged me, etc). In this particular store there are a number of people who are studying God or something like that. Bibles and that kind of thing all over the place. So today in there, I sit within three feet of a young lady who is literally reading a bible. I sneezed at one point. Not a “God bless you” from her or anyone in the relatively crowded place. A little while later this woman sneezes and I look her directly in the eyes and say “Bless you” She basically looks right through me and completely ignores me. WTF Jesus people, this is how you are? No wonder people like me don’t like the lot of you, you’re all so self absorbed in your world that you can’t even open your mind a little to other...wait, do I really care about these people this much? Oh yeah, no. What a bunch of stiff cunts though, really.



I am kind of missing California now. Well, certain things there and people and things I did and feelings I had. Yeah I miss those or something like that. Hrm.

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Someone tried to get me involved. Well, not really...I read things and feel like there is a fishing line and I am supposed to take this bait. I mean people saying things to cause some sort of reaction, I know that all too well. When it is glaringly obvious though, how annoying is it. Take for instance people talking about music. As much as I love music and it’s a big part of my life blah blah blah, there are only about six people in the world that I ever want to talk to about music. So I read things on the internet from people I know and them doing the tired old thing about music they don’t understand or know, just dismissing whole genres and types because it’s popular or what not, it makes me just realize how shallow people really are with their tastes...or how stubborn. Like The Stooges and Johnny Cash are the only artists that matter. Or the “their old stuff was better set”....”Oh I didn’t know they were still making records”. Those kinds of people. Really, leave me alone with that shit and don’t try to associate me with it. As much of a music snob I kind of am, I am not at all. I have no “guilty pleasures”, and if someone wants to listen to something horrible like Vampire Weekend of Lady Gaga or whatever else the tastemakers are buzzing into your dome then so be it, but really, at the end of the day, I couldn't care less. Really though, what the hell are your ears thinking some of you?