Dun

I can drink two hundred shots of espresso a day and still feel exhausted as I’m drinking the last one as I get in “bed”. Perhaps it’s just that nothing is going on here at all as I arrive one day ago. The last week was kind of a blur so of course I was in bed relatively early all week. The time change thing messed me up all week and continues to now. I keep thinking if I call someone here in Massachusetts on the phone that they are three hours ahead of me even if I am a few miles away from them.

I almost wish I was back driving again, which makes me think perhaps I should have become a truck driver. Or should. I don’t really like sitting still, and I imagine yeah I am excited to be back here in Massachusetts, but I give myself six months before I feel like leaving again. I guess I realized I don’t really like attachments, and I don’t like counting on people. You can’t count on anyone else really. I can’t at this point. Maybe I should have realized looking up to people and that kind of thing is not really a good way to operate. At this point I am always going to be paranoid and not trust people, or at least not trust certain things about people. Everyone is in it for themselves, your friends, your wives and husbands, your cousins and brothers and sister and parents. They are all lying to you constantly, once you realize this and you grow those eyes in the back of the head, well, yeah. Try it.

Anyway, 24 hours into this move and I’m ready to leave and go somewhere in the middle now. Or go somewhere to get a new head, I hate the way this one operates.