Pussy Eating Contest

Found some old shit I wrote once in this old hard drive. Title is obviously a reference to the Sabbath song.

09/03/05 - Oriskany, NY
“Lord of this World”
Wow, it’s ironic that I “hate” New York, but over the last few years I’ve grown real fond of upstate, almost to “I could live here” level. There’s a slight Massachusetts attitude here but people seem friendlier. I literally have had no run-ins or situations with people in cars, stores, etc. like I seem to have on a daily basis back home. I’m thinking I’ll come up to Lake George in the Autumn. Anyway, this place is pretty beautiful (there’s nothing here, refreshingly), yet it’s also kind of ugly. I can feel some sort of weird vibe driving through downtown Rome, NY. It’s almost like how you feel when you are in Lawrence, MA but a little safer.

I planned on going to the show earlier today but ended up falling asleep and by the time I got myself motivated to leave the hotel room there was an amazing strawberry dusk situation happening. Reminded me of my first trip to Tennessee in 2000; I drove 13 hours that day, arriving in Knoxville at dusk and it was a similar color. Where this place is more remote and there is no orange glare in the sky from a big city nearby, it’s more intense here. Sure the thought of upstate New York being cooler than anything in Tennessee is kind of farcical given the great times I had both times I’ve spent time there, I am talking about Knoxville, TN which was basically like Saugus, MA with cowboy hats and more black people…and Waffle House.

A couple of our friends were on mushrooms and drunk tonight which was slightly amusing. I did not have any alcohol. I’m trying to remember the last time I drank any alcohol and it may have been as long ago as June. I was losing the taste for it about five years ago, but it quickly involved into having to force myself to enjoy even half a beer that I “liked” in the first place. At this point I can’t imagine ever wanting a beer. It’s been peer pressure for the last five years, really. In my entire life I’ve probably been into a liquor store and bought alcohol to drink thirty times tops. Whatever though.

The music was great tonight; I stayed for just about all of it. We had a good time mocking hippies, as well as our tripping friends while trying to stand up on a ski mountain in the dark.
The drive home was a little more enjoyable tonight. It’s scary as all fuck, but shorter this time around for some reason, perhaps because I was in a better mood. It was great to see the hotel and get to sit around here in the warm room now. Speaking of enjoying myself doing nothing.



Chapter Two of this thing I wrote about a fishing trip gone weird

2.

These winding roads were enticing the first few times we did this trip, by now they had turned into a redundant series of black and white postcards held in front of our tired heads. Don was out of cigarettes and kept taking mine for the last two hours of the 6-hour journey north. I just wanted to get to the cabin and grab a beer and a place to plant my exhausted legs and eyes for the night. The trance like effect of the John Lee Hooker on the stereo, and the postcards made for an even longer drive. By the time we got to the cabin it was near nine in the evening and I was collapsing on the walk in.

“I need some sleep”

“Chuck, you need more than sleep, you need a vacation” Don opened the door, and we both took a whiff of the all too familiar smell of our summer hide out.

“This’ll do for now” I dropped my bag on the dinner table and made my way to the bathroom.

“Chuck, we should see if the old man is out on the lake tomorrow” Don yelled to me from the room, I could hear Robert DeNiro’s familiar voice in the background on the television Don had turned on before dropping his gear down.

“I’m sure he’ll be out tomorrow, it’s supposed to be a beautiful day out. I’m not sure I’m ready for his stories just yet though, he takes a lot of energy out of our day with some of those depressing stories of the war and his dead wife”

I made my way into my room and got undressed and put the boom box on the nightstand on. A talk radio show gushed on about paranormal stuff like Area 51 and jackalopes and that kind of thing. I like falling asleep to this show when I stay up here. The sky is so amazing out side my bedside window I can imagine UFO’s flying by and being able to see every little light and gear on it. Don was falling asleep on the couch, so I got up and shut the light off, but left the television on. He had been watching Analyze This with DeNiro and Billy Crystal. An okay movie for what it is, and surely it would have the same effect on me if I put it on right now. I shut the light out, and lit a cigarette; the radio was discussing a UFO sighting in Canada, Yukon Territory. I looked out on the lake as I smoked and saw what looked like a serpent in the water, once it reached the bone white moonbeam it turned into a log though. I chuckled to myself and put the cigarette out. I fell asleep to a woman from Santa Fe that could talk to lizards.



12/13/09 - Los Angeles, CA

Two more days and I will be six months without a cigarette. This is obviously great news for my physical being. For my mental being though, there are anniversaries every other day, the one month anniversary of the last time I was in a good mood, etc.

Making some friends out here, but really, when it all comes down to it. Nobody matches my friends back home who I have a history with. They know me well, people here it takes them a long ass time to figure you out. I see through every fucking one of them though. Suggesting ideas and places to go that I have not even the slightest care about. I see through the games played with networks and empty handshakes and silly conversations that sound like they come from outer space or some bizarre world in the back room of some shady tarot card place. All these practices to make yourself feel like you will live longer. Potions and exercises designed to sound interesting in conversations and that’s all. None of this crap does anything, it’s all empty placebos. Then you get hit by a car on Ventura Blvd and die anyway. Or some kid shoots you for $34. I am trying to keep my distance from people now because first of all I don’t trust anything they say or what their intentions may be. You pick that up pretty quick out here. Three months in and yeah even the people you feel you know best are out for something. They all show their teeth in the dark. You see it when they turn around and you can see their tail, their forked tongues and horns hidden under some bad haircut and worse outfit. I should make a list, a list of whatever those things I said were all bad things about back home and what made me want to leave there and come out here. The cold weather isn’t really that big of a deal. Also of note, this whole place is supposed to explode and die like September 11th.



They don’t know shit about me and I want to go home

I would turn on all of them and I will

I can’t take seriously men women and well you know

Back when it was just me and a whole bunch of dead horn players

I thought I was like I don’t know, some whacky guy

Just a normal plain old bore like your aunt and uncle back home though

Frame by Frame

This feels like one of those periods of time where I would do well to take a week by myself and look at shit I’ve never seen before or have only seen a few times before. Green fields and grass and hills and trees Ill never see fall over in the rain and trees that only go from green to black. Trees presumably jealous of our trees that go from bright green to bright reds and yellows and fire orange and crunch crunch when you walk through them in the crisp months. Surely they must be jealous of this.



It just gets boring sitting still like this, even if I was supposed to already be something and somewhere by now. I was thinking of how the Indy 500 is this weekend. Wait is it? Yeah, it is Memorial Day weekend apparently. I love Indiana. Most boring state you could ever think to be in in your life, but it looks nice. It seems every time I am in Indiana, it is the state I stopped in late at night, and get some sort of fresh start in the morning. It’s been sunny and wide eyed blue skied every time I’ve been there (four or five times now). The best way to start any day of a road trip, Day One, Day Eight, whatever, is obviously on one of those kinds of days. When I went to Oklahoma last summer and trained back home after that depression-fest, we left Massachusetts when it was pouring rain, it was like 5:30 PM on a Friday night when we left so you can imagine how miserable the first three hours or so. We were also dragging a car behind the U-Haul, had two cats and I was two weeks into not smoking cigarettes anymore after eighty three years or whatever it was. After that first night of driving, I was no longer allowed to drive the U-Haul truck. A few days of day dreaming in the passenger seat with a cat in my lap was just fine with me though even if her and I barely spoke and she had stopped laughing at my jokes at that point.



So the first time I went to Indiana I went to the race track and took the tour and took pictures of cars for the dudes back home....and I just spent twenty minutes looking for them on this laptop and they are not here. I have a number of missing pictures I am discovering, as they are on my Windows machine I don’t have set up. What a horrible life I have, now I can’t finish what I was going to talk about here. Fuck you.



Some of these women that come in here, I mean there are some religious folks coming in here and they look like normal nice people. But then one will come in with all sorts of makeup on looking like she just snorted ten thousand lines of cocaine off of eight thousand cocks, but in 1986. That’s what some of the women who come in here look like to me.



I rarely judge people by how they look, but I will judge them by certain criteria. One is how long they can look you in the eye. Another is, and this one is very important and goes along with another situation as well. “How useful will this person be if some serious shit goes down?”. For instance, if we are under attack by armed men and women surrounding our house how good is a baby going to be in this situation? Sometimes you have to make tough decisions. I’m not suggesting you murder a baby, but they do make noise, and can’t use weapons. They can be used as bargaining tools though...If you have to leave to get away from the situation. Maybe go on the run for a while, you aren’t going to take your one legged friend with you, or someone who can’t drive a car right?



Another time I try and measure this same thing is when I am in public, especially an airplane, or any tight quartered place like a small restaurant. I like to survey the room to see who I should maybe try and team up with, who is going to be a pain in the ass about shit. Who might I have to knock out or kill just to make things easier? Who might be working against us, etc. If you don’t figure these things when you are out and about at places you’re not going to do well at all really. Right now where I am there are....twenty six people in here including the employees. I see about three I think I could really count on if we all of a sudden are invaded. Two guys over there would probably just immediately be shot by the invaders, I can tell which women here would probably not stop screaming and would also be shot and killed by the invaders. There is one woman here (the one who looked like the 80’s coke whore) who may or may not be working with the invaders. There is one black guy here, kind of big. Probably can’t run very far, but could be a good ally as he has a pretty good mean face like me. Everyone else in here is a fucking pussy. I think as long as the number of invaders was under twenty, we could probably take them with improvised weapons and some secret plans and techniques I already have planned out in my head. (80’s coke whore woman has just met up with someone and kissed him on the cheek, they are now sitting together. He’s about 5’4”, a little meaty on his bones, but his button down shirt and hairdo indicate I could easily take him out even if he does have a gun on him. Judging by how he looks and how he carries himself he’s obviously the “money guy” in this covert gang of thugs that will soon invade this Starbucks and try to kill all of us. Anyway, I could easily deal with him I think. I already se five things around me I could throw at him that would shock and disable him for a brief few seconds.)



So I have been off and on working on a “novel” among a million other projects that maybe someday will exist. I’m trying to come up with a good opening line for the novel though. Here are some I have come up with so far:

I walked among the brokenhearted buildings of a city that lost its soul when she left town.

Drunk and brains fucked out, we left my apartment for a cup of silent coffee, and loud haircuts.

He was part Michael Caine, part Ted Kennedy, and he was on PCP.

We John Coltraned ourselves downtown, and made our way into the disconcerted evening of nightclubs, smoky all night diners, and characters out of a bad Steely Dan song.

The night he broke Nobuko’s heart, he felt as if he had single handedly avenged the bombing of Pearl Harbor, and finally gotten the closure on this tired relationship.

Jennifer was ready, fuck was Jennifer ready.

With my messenger bag filled with memories, and mix tapes, I put on my Sauconys, and left Detroit for good.

She made me feel like Jesus Christ, I made her feel like a pile of dirt.

The acrid taste of the night before filled my mouth, as I emptied the contents of my pocket onto my dresser; this would be the final morning of my coke binge.

My father would have been proud; I strummed the first few chords of “Private Dancer” by Tina Turner on my guitar, and faced my first day as a transvestite with vigor not seen since the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001.

She fucked him for coke, he fucked her because his wife was pregnant.

What Are You Looking For?

Dream # 23 last night (05/26/10)
I’m on some flimsy wooden raft in the middle of this rough waterway. I can see land on each side of me. Waves are reaching twenty feet high. The horrifying nature of the ordeal knocks me out in the dream.

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One time in the 80’s I would put cologne on when I went out for the night. Like Polo cologne. What a fucking loser. The second I stepped outside someone should have smashed me in the face with a pink aluminum softball bat six times. I wonder if wearing cologne has ever worked for anyone. We were just going to the ice cream shop and then home.

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If I try and think back to around ages 6-10 it is kind of blank. We lived in Los Angeles, I seemed pretty occupied with Kiss records, dirt bikes and Suzanne Somers. I don’t remember what a day was like. What time did I wake up? When did I eat? What did my voice sound like? All shit I really don’t want to know, but it seems odd to think of yourself that young and how you were. I think with me it would freak me out as it would be me before I was a fuck up.



Dream # 11 (“a few months ago”)
I’m in some weird canyon. It’s dry and tanned everywhere. Everything is sunny bright yellow and light dirt. One hundred yards away or so I see a group of people standing around talking. A loud chuckle erupts every few minutes. I try and move towards them but every time I do one of the people in the group does some odd motion with their hand and a bolt of electricity comes shooting out of their hand, striking me on the leg so I can no longer move.



Her name was Stacie. She worked in some office downtown or something. Theodore knew her from Popeye’s Fried Chicken. At night she would drink wine until she passed out in the living room. One time Theodore took her to see some Robin Williams movie and she threw up all over his cock behind a Cracker Barrel out on Rt 6.



I can remember plenty of things from my teenage years, and some from my twenties. Other than that, everything gets blurry. Same with being a teenager, why would I ever want to know what that kid was like? Sometimes I talk to friends from that era now, ex-girlfriends from when I was like fourteen and the terms boyfriend and girlfriend didn’t really mean much anyway. Their last impression of me is of a fifteen year old kid or something, How odd. I imagine if I was even remotely the same as I was then I wouldn’t have a single friend. I was pretty awkward and quiet and introverted and angry and whatever else unfortunate word you can think of.



Dream # 20 (05/24/10)
Some guys voice saying “the rooms are fifty dollars each, and no you can’t play that guitar in here and the cat has to stay in the car”

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His name was Ian, he worked for the Public Works Department. In the summers as you tip toed back home from the beach to avoid burning your already half charred feet you would see Ian driving around in one of those orange trucks. He was happy to pick up other people’s trash. At one point he bought a lottery ticket and told everyone he was going to win enough money to finally leave town. On the night of the drawing he was killed by a car walking his dog (the dog also died). His numbers did not come out. All of those orange trucks have those numbers he played painted on the side of them now. The numbers have never been drawn.



This man is always in here. He kind of makes me nervous. You will see him here in the afternoon and if you drive by or stop in later at night he’ll still be here. Some days he will take his shoes off while he is sitting there, Other days he has all of these items with him, drinks, three or four of them. It appears he orders probably the cheapest drink and then just sits here all day. Some days he makes phone calls on his cell and is louder than he needs to be. The main deal though, his eyes. He has that look in his eyes that just says “I’m crazy”. He just sat down and two women got up in left. Imagine having that power? You sit down and people just leave because you are weirding people out. I would jump off a bridge if that happened.

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I feel disconnected all over the place now. These last couple of years, losing touch with people, getting back in touch with them but then feeling like everything is different. I feel like an intruder sometimes. Like I have no place in any new circle of friends. This is why it was tough in California. Who wants to be the new guy ever? I’d rather wallow in nothing and be this person instead. Everyone I know already is fine, and unless it’s via them, her, etc I can’t imagine getting into some new group of people. Wait, I don’t think I’m actually being serious here. Strange how sometimes words just come out of you because they feel good to say or type out. Sometimes shit can just come out of me like this that holds no bearing on reality. I feel like I wrote lyrics like this quite a bit.



Speaking of lyrics I recently started putting an entry together from my old band’s lyrics...particularly our last album as I enjoyed writing them, performing them, recording them and ultimately coming up with the final product which would have been our fourth album but was never released. I’m still thinking of releasing it though as I feel like it needs to be put out, even if only like sixteen people buy it.



Dream # 8 (“a long time ago”)
On this long highway that has been seemingly going on for hours and hours. The sky is huge, biggest sky I have ever seen in my life. Everything is bright and almost hurts my eyes. I finally reach the horizon and just fly off into nowhere.

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I can’t imagine another version of her than the one I know and have grown to love. Different feelings getting tugged in every direction. Different emotions and ways to go about each day. When I think of every last good memory we have, winding roads, old baseball parks, Disneyland, towers and monuments and gorgeous blue skies and gorgeous smiles and hair to make me feel warmer than anyone else will feel. When I think of everything invented in my brain though, I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust anyone else. I don’t want to have to listen to what anyone else tells me about my feelings and life aside from her and I. I don’t want to worry about strangers and long lost friends who think they know how I am. Nobody knows how I am, what is best for me or where I need to be. The only thing that matters to me right now is her smile.



Dream # 1 ("a couple of years ago")
Not dangerously high above the ocean, but high enough that it would hurt to fall. She approaches me and I grab her face inside her hooded sweatshirt and kiss her. I fall asleep to this every night for a year.

I Am Your Armor

Sunny, cloudy, sunny, cloudy, how it’s been here forever now it seems. I feel trapped or something else here in Massachusetts. Like coming back here for one reason was good for about ten minutes, and now I want to actually move on with my life and go back. I feel like I wasn’t completely ready to do it out there when I did, but now being back here. I realize why I left. If I could just take a long drive by myself for thirty seven days and figure it out I might have a final decision. Also, any decision I ever make needs to be analyzed by people with nothing invested in my well being in the long run. So yeah, I think I made a horrible mistake.

My brain is so empty of anything to say right now, well anything to say here. I think I may stop writing here for a bit. I feel like I put too much out there and have no privacy anymore between writing every single thought down and putting it on the internet and living where I live right now, it’s hard to be invisible. Remember I used to be invisible? I think I do. So yeah, that’s it for now I guess. Or at least until I have something better to say. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in five weeks.

The History of Drugs Pt IV

This one time I got too high and came home. I guess I was like seventeen years old. Actually, that story is boring.

So I guess I was about thirteen years old when I became a full on denim clad member of the burnout army in my little seaside town north of Boston. When we first moved to the town I would go out at night and ride around on my skateboard looking for something to do. I noticed some similar looking kids hanging around the train station and quickly made friends. That summer I...actually, another story.

The first time I pulled into the driveway of Harry’s ranch house in

Sheila had urine yellow teeth that showed every time I told her a homophobic joke...

eh - can’t keep my head in one area right now, bear with this



Here is kind of a creepy story, or “thing”. So I mentioned recently in here how my grandfather hanged himself in the woods near my house. This neighborhood we live in, a small dead end. The neighbors all know each other. There are two particular houses with people who give my mom shit about the yard, and how we should paint the house, do this with the hedges, etc. I have not seen any of these people face to face since I came here but suffice to say if anyone ever asks me to do anything to the house or says anything even remotely annoying to me I will get upset and get the sword out. We live in the last house on the left (Oh!). At the beginning of the street, last Christmas a father hanged himself in the house and the family never found out why. No note or anything. This is similar to what happened with my grandfather as we never found out what that was about.


I’ve mentioned before I don’t believe in any kind of ghosts or monsters or higher powers, etc. After hearing this story about this guy though I thought about how maybe there is some secret demon power on or street that makes people hang themselves! Who will be the victim of this entity next?! I have decided to try and get to the bottom of it so I am going to start interviewing people on the street asking them questions like “have you ever seen any weird shape shifting beings in your yard like I have?” “do you hear voices in your head like I do?”, “do you sleep with a sword next to you ‘just in case’ like I do?”, etc. I will report back here what I find out.



This guy in here right now, always in here. It appears he has frosted his hair and judging by the looks of him and the fact that he once had a 311 shirt on it’s probably not the first time his hair has been frosted if you catch my drift.



Every morning when I wake up

A head full of two week old caffeine stains

Pain in every other muscle but the good ones

Exhaustion in my brain

Whenever it all ends and becomes bright green grass

Sunny afternoons

Rolling hills

Bright blue oceans I would never step foot in anyway

I’ll take it all in at once

Pull over to the side of the road and thank myself

Putting up with myself like this for so long is hard to take

Well traveled is only good when the stories you tell make someone laugh

Lowell, MA 1992 or so

A guy walks into a bar first thing he notices is the music next thing he notices is the odor next thing he notices is the lights next thing he notices is the bartender next thing he notices is the tiles on the floor next thing he notices is the smoke next thing he notices is the women next thing he notices are the men next thing he notices are the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women next thing he notices is the taps next thing he notices are the few empty seats next thing he notices the smell of money ( one million assholes at work can’t be wrong ) next thing he notices are the hairs on the arm of the man next to him next thing he notices is the rock music next thing he notices is the look in the eyes of the women next thing he notices are the fans on the ceiling next thing he notices is the disguise he has on next thing he notices is the utter depression next thing he notices is the way he walks next thing he notices are the women laughing at him next thing he notices is the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch next thing he notices is the way his collar is crooked next thing he notices is the bartender smiling at him (is this the guy in the hardware store too?) next thing he notices are the dwindling men next thing he notices is the hair of the woman sitting three stools down next thing he notices are her hands next thing he notices is her wedding band next thing he notices is the painful look on his face in the men’s room next thing he notices are the flowers on the sink next thing he notices his teeth, they are all there now –white is the color- next thing he notices is his feet on the tiles he saw earlier next thing he notices is how much warmer it is in the general bar area (it is small, tight, warm-it’s cool in the springtime here, he knows that, understands this) next thing he notices is the awful sound of a hit single next thing he notices are the two air conditioning units next thing he notices is the fact that there are two air conditioning units next thing he notices is the fact that he is sitting here in this bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units and he hasn’t really said much, so he attempts to strike up a conversation with this woman next to him who is also sitting in this bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units, she obliges, as she is by herself and looks pretty bored sitting around this bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units, they start talking about their jobs and where they are from, mind you this is taking place in the bar he walked into originally that had the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units, and now he has finally opened up to this woman by herself who is also hanging in the bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units, he doesn’t really know if he’s that interested in her yet, she hasn’t really revealed much, not there is much to reveal in the bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units, so they decide to talk music, they seem to hit it off on this subject, he can always talk music he knows this, we all know this, so they are sitting in this bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units and they start talking about how they are hanging in this bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units and how they have such similar tastes in music while sitting in this bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units imagine that here he was all by himself all last weekend, he would never have stepped into this bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units but here he was with this woman she was growing more interesting with each and every new band or artist she would blurt out sitting on the stool next to him in the bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units so they decide to take it outside as the bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units is closing soon, I mean most bars close around 1am around here, and this particular bar, the one with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units stays open pretty late, 2 am or so, not bad for a bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units but who knows maybe there are more bars around the world that also have the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units and they stay open until 2 am so they take it outside, and they are standing out in front of the the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units and they start to walk to his car which is parked in the parking lot of the bar that had the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units and he decides to finally ask her for her phone number, just an hour and a half earlier he had walked into this bar with the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units and figured he would be leaving by himself a drink or two later, but here he was sitting in front of his car that is parked in the parking lot of the bar that had the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units talking to this woman who was growing more attractive by the minute especially now that she was outside of the bar that had the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units as soon as they are ready to leave he shakes her hand in the parking lot of the bar that had the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units and gets in his car and drives home from the bar that had the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units when he gets in his house he does this silly little victory dance and decides to call her a few days later during the few days he refuses to go down to the bar that had the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units because he doesn’t want to run into her at the bar that had the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units so he avoids it and calls her the three days later and they decide to meet somewhere other than the bar that had the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units they end up at another bar that doesn’t have the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units well it has some of that stuff but not all of it the date ends with him giving her a peck on the cheek and driving home in a strange mood he feels like he might have rubbed her the wrong way he drives by the bar with the the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units but doesn’t stop as if he goes in the bar with the the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units he will be reminded of her he doesn’t need reminders of her he knows how it will end up this relationship that isn’t really a relationship anyway will end and he will end up back at the bar with the the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units and not be able to do anything about it he has been defeated yet again back to his room he goes the room is nothing like the bar with the the music and the odor and the lights and the bartender and the tiles on the floor and the smoke and the women and the men and the bathrooms, one for the men, one for the women and the taps and the few empty seats and the smell of money and the hairs on the arm of the man next to him and the rock music and the look in the eyes of the women and the fans on the ceiling and the disguise he has on and the utter depression and the way he walks and the women laughing at him and the man at the end of the bar with the shiny gold watch and the way his collar is crooked and the bartender smiling at him and the dwindling men and the hair of the woman sitting three stools down and her hands and her wedding band and the painful look on his face in the men’s room and the flowers on the sink and his teeth and his feet on the tiles he saw earlier and how much warmer it is in the general bar area and the awful sound of a hit single and the two air conditioning units and the fact that there are two air conditioning units the room has nothing he still has nothing.

Top Twelve Racist Jokes

White people...worst people ever?

When I tried to move my hands I couldn’t. When I tried to lift my head I couldn’t. I wasn’t tied down. Figuratively, I guess you could say I was. When I got to the room, it was bare and empty as usual. I enjoyed these little rooms. There was room all over the walls for my clippings. There was a lot of wood on the floor. The floor was made of wood, so obviously, there was a good amount of wood within my eyesight. I worked off of the floor with different index cards. I had things written on the index cards. Directions, recipes, live concert set lists, different meals I’d eaten on the road, ex-girlfriends, cars I’d owned. My whole life, a series of index cards. I moved from city to city, and rented these cheap rooms and would stay up for three or four days sorting them out on the wood floor. Days of coffee and cookies, cigarettes and bourbon. Long nights of alphabetizing, putting in chronological order. There were all different patterns I could follow. “Let’s put 1992 in order tonight” “Do I put my Ford Tempo before Jennifer Daynes from Cleveland?” I got into a rigorous schedule with the cards after a month. Nobody knew where I was. “Just sorting my life out” I would tell them. Literally, with index cards. My obsessions had ballooned to this. Becoming some sort of freak trying to find himself in a foreign town somewhere. This particular night I could not hold on though. I lost it and the sounds of Charlie Mingus filled the room on repeat for a whole evening. I was done. My life could not get sorted out in Memphis. Here I sat, the ceiling looked wonderful as I rolled over finally and looked at the alarm clock. It was time to move along.




Frank was the one who wanted to do it, not me. He used scissors to do it, and we were now the proud owners of not only a wedding band but the lightly freckled finger of a dead woman.



“really, who is he?”
“Just some guy”
“just some guy huh?”
“yup, just some guy. Are you going to listen this time?”
“I doubt it”



I can’t even waste time talking about ghosts and goblins in lower places than I have been to I come out and try to listen for a few minutes maybe finally finally they will have something good to say the cocksuckers though I mean these motherfucking cocksuckers they call for gifts and messages I bet you don’t know which I speak of the people you know come on the people who even bring you down the motherfuckers you know these motherfuckers I fucking know you do the whores of the streets that shake their asses in your face these fucking motherfuckers need to be destroyed these motherfuckers I swear I swear that if I see one of these motherfuckers on the street and I have the flame thrower on I will burn you and the motherfuckers to the fucking ground I really really really have no time for this

----------

So we were in some fucking strange ass town on the ocean somewhere, a whole bunch of friends, I have no clue who they were. Faceless friends, hmmm, that’s kind of funny now that I think back to it. We walked through covered bridges, and up dirt roads lined with colorless cottages and oak trees as old as Bob Hope (is he dead yet?). At one point, one of my cohorts attacked a visibly stunned James Garner. They ended up knocking James Garner over in this covered bridge, and he was down for the count. I eventually ended up in one of the cottages somehow, with a midget. The midget was short, and had long hair and glasses. He was trying to tickle me for some reason. I kicked him, and then realized I was kicking in my sleep, so it did no good. The air at 6AM this morning was amazing, it looked like it would be a good day for a long drive, and a head full of flattery.



We had an aunt that made this meatloaf that had chocolate chips in it. Now, when I was a little kid. Now, when I think back to this. I make myself try to make sense of all of it. When I was a little kid. We had an aunt that lived upstairs, she made this meatloaf with chocolate chips and garlic. We had this awful aunt that made us watch PBS and eat meatloaf with garlic and chocolate chips. We had this goddamn fucking aunt.



You can't really count on any of them. They ignore and push and ask too many questions and then never answer yours. Long letters sent over thousands of miles and a few feet down the highway sitting there collecting dust, at least that's how I see them. Like the sound of a phone ringing infinitely. Other ones though, they receive adoration and whatever else you will never know about, yeah they see that all day every day.

Imagine if Your Favorite Band of All Time Was The Fixx?

When it is warm too warm to sleep and any idea I ever had about forever is hiding in an unmarked box in it’s fifteenth basement, fire builds in my brain. I feel and see every bad thing coming now two days before it happens. I have several ideas and places I want to be. I have several ideas of what I know will be the reality. Things don’t work out because you wish them to work. Things don’t happen because you will them or want them to happen. They don’t happen when you pray. When your loved one is filled with cancer or whatever else is going to kill them, go ahead and pray and see what happens. Your god sends them to nowheresville, to a void. Enjoy your photographs and memories. All of this shit happening, it’s all my fault. Has nothing to do with fate or because I wanted it to happen. All of the other things though, yeah you know. Those all happen because people are basically shitty. You can’t count on anyone. Everyone lies or is just never there when you really need them or want them.


Today is an amazing day here. The sun is so bright, and I don’t know if it’s these sunglasses I have on but the sky is so blue it looks like the Pacific Ocean. I have a nice cup of coffee here and I can’t imagine a better time to be alive than right now. Things are looking up. I have been getting a ton of writing done, creative writing. I’ve had some great weekends with friends lately, taken some great pictures. I applied for a job that may put me back in California which would be great!

I can’t really deal with the

I actually have to go to the bathroom so I’m not going to finish this one.

Live Chills Pt I

I have been writing far too much non-fun stuff in here lately. I was watching some live music stuff on Youtube recently and it got me thinking about live shows I have seen. I have seen tons of shows from different genres through the years, and could write reviews of every single one of them if I had to. Well, not really but....I want to talk about the ones that gave me that feeling of...hmm. I don’t know what to call it without sounding all new age. I'll do more posts like this over the next week or so as I think of shows.

Grateful Dead - 10/16/89 Brendan Byrne Arena, East Rutherford, NJ
This was my second Grateful Dead show, and although the first one a few months earlier was great for a first experience, this one was great for a host of reasons.

This was my first concert that was also a road trip. I would take many more of these throughout the next twenty years and still probably will again some day. My friend and I got a hotel room “near the venue” which turned out to be four miles or so away. We had to literally walk on the New Jersey Turnpike for a good part of the walk to the arena. The band was playing six shows at this arena, which is part of a big complex next to Giants Stadium. We found out later that a young man had been murdered by security guards or so they think. The case has never been solved. I have to think we walked through where this may have happened as we were in some pretty remote areas of this gigantic parking lot.

A week or so before the show we saw the band played a “surprise” show billed under their early name, The Warlocks. They were also playing songs they hadn’t played in years, including the elusive “Dark Star” which was sort of the crown jewel of songs you could see the band play. They hadn’t played it in over ten years and before that it was pretty rare. Early versions of the song contained long exploratory segments, sometimes reaching over forty minutes.

The band opened the second set of the show with Dark Star and used it as bookends for a long set of improvisation and fan favorites like Uncle John’s Band and Playin’ in the Band. I had a live recording of this show for years on tape and then at one point the band released it as an official release called Nightfall of Diamonds. There is a moment captured on the recording where the crowd seems completely silent right before Jerry Garcia plays the opening guitar line to the song. This still gives me chills when I hear it. There was always something about seeing them live when he walked on stage that gave you this moment of excitement and nervousness that can only come when seeing an iconic presence such as “JERRY”. Granted part of it was just thousands of people fucked up on booze and drugs excited to see the guy who sang "driving that train, high on cocaine", etc. It was a little more than that though. I am not someone who gets flustered in the presence of celebrities; I mean I get a little flustered, but not like this. It's hard to explain with words what it was like that split second when he would come on stage, but you felt it. This would happen years later with Tony Iommi who I stood ten yards from during the Heaven and Hell tour. Like "holy shit, the dude that arguably invented heavy metal is right there. Sick."

This picture was taken the night of this show. I was 19 years old and would be 20 two weeks later, so this could be the last picture of me as a teenager take. Heh. The shirt says "Jamin with Jerry" Whoever made the shirt missed an M.

Say it to my Face!

When I was 13 years old or however old you are when you get to seventh grade I started school in my new town of Swampscott, Massachusetts. I was fat, had gross long greasy hair, bad acne and wore concert t-shirts all the time. Ozzy, Led Zeppelin, Iron Maiden, etc. Concert shirts back then were often “baseball style” with those long sleeves. I was also painfully shy and as I am now, socially awkward. Granted if I know the people I am with I am whatever the polar opposite of socially awkward is.

There were a group of 8th graders I could tell were just trouble makers. One particular guy, his name escapes me now...his face though, he looked like a rat. Tiny little eyes, this rat nose and just this demeanor that was sneaky and shifty. Him and his group of friends were like those kids on the Simpsons, when you saw them coming down the hall you knew they were going to do something to you. So one particular day I was walking down the hall in an area where nobody happened to be at the moment and there was the Rat boy and his crew. This particular day I was wearing one of those long sleeved concert shirts and him and his crew grabbed me and proceeded to tie my sleeves to the two doors to the theater which swung out. I was stuck there for a few minutes until someone, probably a janitor came to my rescue.

Fast forward to couple of years after high school and I was a much bigger person, was lifting weights quite a bit and was considered “mean looking”. I was working at this small supermarket in this disgusting city called Lynn, Massachusetts. This girl started working there, and while she was a nice enough person, she may have been one of the ugliest girls I’ve ever seen in my life. She literally had a dark mustache and really hairy arms which led me to believe that whatever was happening “in other areas” was probably just as horrible of a situation. At one point she mentioned her husband would be coming in to meet her for lunch. So lunch rolls around and I am in the little lunch area and she comes in to introduce me to her husband and low and behold it is Rat boy!

So now I am much bigger and scarier than him, and he is married to the ugliest woman I have ever seen in my life. He shook my hand and we both kind of did that whole “oh hey yeah we went to school together” thing and subsequent visits to work he was always extra friendly to me.

Nowadays, this thing in the news has been “bullying” like it’s some new thing sweeping the nation. I guess with the onset of social networking bullying is worse than it already was. I don’t think it is, I think it’s less than it was. Aside from that incident tying me to the doors, when I was much younger kids were even meaner and nastier. You’d get pushed over, hit, shit thrown at you, etc. Nowadays kids get called fat on the internet and they are killing themselves. I think the bigger problem is, parents are raising their kids to be pussies. In the summer parents are shaving the heads of their young men and sending these little shaved pussies (not the good kind) out into the world to get taunted and made fun of.

My dad never did that “let me show you how to fight” thing or anything, because violence is never the answer ever, but I was at least taught that name calling is...fun. Unless you are extremely thin skinned, “sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you” If you spend any time on the internet, social networking, message boards, etc quite a bit of name calling goes on. It’s kind of what happens on the internet on the regular. Besides, why are young kids on the internet anyway, they should be reading books, outside playing and getting into trouble, etc Leave the name calling and time wasting to us adults.